i have heard of it but barely.... i can ask about it. We did talk a lot today about plans, lists and so on... but i am frustrated with the way the conversation is going. i see what he wants from me, but i want baby steps and it upsets me that i have to keep saynig that... i feel like i am not doing enough and he is unhappy. He says he isn't but then later it will happen again.

what does it mean? DBT i mean...

i am terribly sensitive to abandonment alex. Then that becomes a cycle of terror and feeling tupid for being afraid.

i would never go along with a contract for SI or for suicide. i had been doing really well, it happened this time because all my mechanisms were overwhelmed and because i was afraid i couldn't rely on him or turn to him. Now that we have talked it out i know i can call him if my own efforts are failing.

a contract would add to the anxiety when i would already be feeling trapped, that would worsen things. What prevents SI for me is having a safe and secure alternative. Until i can do it myself i need him for some of that. That would be enough for most times it ever occurs to me. i actually went 10yrs without any self harm... i can get back there, but he has to be willing to step slowly along with me.