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Originally Posted by Mediocre
Jimi - I'm an avid fisherman. I fish tournaments twice a week from June thru early September, plus "fun" fishing a few times in the month pre and post tournament season.
Wandering Soul - "I think the way you look at it is the cause of your self esteem problem" Agreed. But if that's the default HOW do you change that?
"You don't have to be excellent at things to be worthy" This is what I can't seem to get my head around. And if that's true, why do many/most self help books have you write down all the things you're good at? By definition good means better than average. Isn't that counter-productive for someone who's reading it in the first place that doesn't find their self good at anything. Its like a vicious circle. I usually end up feeling worse because I couldn't even complete the exercise that's supposed to help!
"You just need to be satisfied with what you have and the things you do" That's a nice generic answer but its like telling an alcoholic to just stop drinking. I hear it and it makes sense but it's like I'm hard wired to think otherwise and cant find a new wiring diagram. There is so much pressure to be bigger, stronger, faster, better looking, smarter, richer, and so on. I guess I was hoping to hear from people who have overcame low self esteem about what specific things they did or studied that made the difference in their lives.
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IMO being 'good' at something isn't necessary for healthy self-esteem, if you have a job, home, health enough to work out it sounds a pretty good life from my perspective. The self-esteem work I did did not overemphasise achievements, but rather encouraged me to be mindful and enjoy the positive experiences I had.
The "stronger, faster, better looking, smarter, richer, and so on" is not helpful in my experience - I am not those things but I feel okay about myself these days. There are other strengths, thoughtfulness, kindness, creativity that we can develop - these often make us feel good.
It isn't anything as drastic as rewiring, just looking at things from a different angle.