Yes, I totally agree. I get a buzz and satisfaction that I'm losing weight when being weighed by the psychiatrist and that I'm successfully fighting against what they want me to do (eat). I view weigh day as a goal to lose more weight for. I feel like I'm a stronger and better person than everyone else when im losing weight. Rationally I realise I'm fighting a serious mental illness that's destroying me and has been destroying me for 30 years but I can't get the rational part of my brain to win. I don't care about anything in my life other than losing weight and I'm good at nothing else, my eating disorder is me and is my life and I don't think I'll have achieved what I want to until I'm lying in a hospital bed being force fed,until then any weight I lose just isn't good enough.