so, I'm reading a book given to me by my therapist about emotional maturity.... and realizing a few things i already kind of knew. Like the fact that my emotional maturity has been stunted by neglect from my parents and the traumas i experienced as a young adult. no big deal i can muscle through that stuff. what is torturing me is the fact that my own lack of emotional maturity caused me to neglect and abuse my own children. it hurts so badly to realize what i did them emotionally and some physically. I am just sick at heart thinking about it. I love my kids dearly and the pain i have brought into their lives is more than i can bear. How do i work through this? I hurt so badly that i want to cut, but i know that will just lead to more guilt and shame.... drinking is out for the same reason. I have no one i can reach out to IRL because i have done a great job of isolating myself. I am alone to deal with an agony i cannot bear. I want to close the door to my office and have a good cry but what good would that do?