Wicked, YOu say your tired on holding on, maybe its about letting go? Holding on for me did its job so well, like you describe, unable to feel pain or pleasure, but to feel pleasure we have to feel pain and as your already feeling pain, why not let go and allow the pleasure to enter too.
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Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach
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