So I went back to work this week. Every day just solidifies the fact that I'm not renewing my contract at the end of the year. I've got four applications in to other districts so far. Even if no one calls me back I'm going to do substituting. Anything would be better than this.

My male facilitator quit this week (he had to move out of state to take care of his kids). Did they give me a replacement? Of course not. Why would they? I emailed the principal saying I really needed someone at least for lunch because I'm by myself and for eighth period because it's a big class and there's an ongoing issue between one student and several others. I can't do it by myself. I have another facilitator but she's often caught up in other interactions in the hallway and isn't always in class. And I NEED to be on point in this class cause the mother of the one student called me up at 7:30am Wednesday demanding to know why her son was being "bullied" and having pens thrown at him (I guess he neglected to mention he was cursing at the other students and throwing **** at them). but I got no response from admin. They just tell me there's no one to put in there. Fine, when something bad happens and someone gets hurt, don't ****ing ask me why I didn't do anything to stop it. I put my concerns in my weekly report too and I'm going to keep *****ing until they do something about it.

I'm also annoyed because the staff was talking about me when I was on leave. Now, that doesn't really bother me because people gossip because of course they do. I don't care what they say. I know they think I'm nuts. It's whatever. But she said it in front of a student. I know this because my student came up to me yesterday and told me. He said, "I heard Michele (staff) tell Kathy (staff) that you were out because you tried to hurt yourself. Is that true?" Like WHAT??? You're going to discuss my private business in front of the students?? Seriously? I just told the student that it wasn't true and to mind his own business (in a nicer way). For the record I didn't try to hurt myself this time so they're not even discussing anything accurate. Don't say **** like that so the students can hear! I never say anything about anyone in front of the students. Indeed I try not to say anything about anyone at all.

I just hate where I work. Seriously. They pretend to be so supportive of me and ask me if there's anything they can do to help me and when I need help they're like sorry we can't do anything about it.

I'm just irritable today because I tried to quit smoking. I had one cigarette in the am and then didn't buy another pack. I might have made it but I had a major panic attack when my mom wasn't home and didn't answer text or phone calls. I was convinced she was dead in a ditch somewhere. So I went out and bought a pack hoping she would be back by the time I got home. She pulled in just as I was parking thankfully. So I've still only had three cigarettes today. I'll try to quit again when this pack is gone.

Thanks for letting me vent! I just needed to complain.