I'm kinda glad I can use meds cuz... there is just no way I can do anything of those on the list. I am so lost in the attacks I can't focus on anything, I can't even walk. I have to go down on my hands and knees. I have no idea about physical symptoms cuz my mental symptoms are so overwhelming. I might be hyperventilating my heart might race but I have no idea. I could not control my body to hurt myself as is suggested (Cold ice I think is a type of self harm) to refocus cuz i could never go get ice. I can't even come up with easy distractions like biting myself or anything cuz I'm unable to think of such things and unable to act.

What I CAN do is try to stop thoughts that lead to a panic attack. In my case most of my panic attacks are my childhood panics and they were all about how lost we are in this universe, how we don't know anything, how we live and die and are lost forever etc. For me that is not catastrophizing, these are hard facts, life IS this. All I can really do is hide those facts from myself and pretend I will live forever and so will anyone else, the earth is flat and the center of the universe, some deity watches over us etc.

I think all kids go through that stage when they find the "big questions", I did between ages 6 and 9. And I still relate to them just like that child, nothing has changed. At all. I have no idea how mature and put that behind me.