Hi Eden, I read a few of your posts and haven't replied before because your situation is very different to mine and I wouldn't like to pretend I know where you are coming from or how to help you in any way. But something struck me today and I wanted to share it with you, whether it will help or not I don't know. You seem to have a very clear picture of your own mind and how things are for you, if I am wrong about this then I am sorry, just ignore me. But if this is the case then that voice that gives you the picture could just be the voice that you should listen to, if you can tap into it some way to hear it well enough past everything else. Just a thought. Wishing you the best.