Notwithhaste - I'm so sorry! This sounds incredibly painful!

I'm concerned that you feel like you need to be on your best behavior as well. This doesn't sound like an abusive situation to me, and IMO handling angry clients is part of a therapists job description.

From my view, it sounds like you're working very close to the core... You're feeling raw and vulnerable and acting authentically... A perfect scenario for your therapist to do some healing work, and instead she's threatening abandonment and shaming you. I'm sad and frustrated for you.

Would she be open to have another therapist step in and help mediate the situation? It seems terrible to throw away a close relationship, yet it sounds like you're being emotionally damaged by how she's behaving.