I just think this isn't going to end well. Your therapist is not your mother and this one doesn't seem like you can count on her. It sounds really messy and non-therapeutic.

If I were you, I would end this now before it gets worse. Just the statement that you "go into hysterics" at the thought of ending it is a clue. She is your THERAPIST and it is a private business.

At the minimum, I would keep seeing her but find another therapist you could wean over to.

Sorry to give you tough love but that is how I see it.