This is exactly the problem with friendships. People think it's OK to just "disappear" without any regard for how they will make the other person feel.

You say that you had a lot of personal suffering and didn't have time or energy to invest in a friendship. That is perfectly logical and understandable. Unfortunately you didn't communicate this to her. You just cut her off and later came back when you were ready. It is possible that you weren't thinking clearly when you stopped communicating with her the first time. Again, understandable. However, later on, you had the opportunity to rectify this and explain things. It doesn't sound like you ever did.

Later, your friend was angry and told you she felt abandoned. I don't blame her for that, but I do blame her for having to get drunk to say it. She also didn't need to say she hated you, but again she was drunk (lesson learned; never drink with others.) In the end what did you do? You disappeared for good. When she told you "I'll have to come visit" maybe she was just being nice. I don't know. You said she didn't get it... I'm not seeing where you communicated to her the friendship was over. You were free to move on from her because of her problems, issue, lack of growth, whatever. In order for her to understand where you were coming from and "get it", you needed to tell her.

With romantic and family relationships, most people make an effort to communicate the need for "space". With friendships, because people have some idea that emotions like love, affection, admiration, are not as important because it's *only* a friendship, they think it's ok to just drop the other person without so much as a whisper.

I currently have a friend (still?) that has done this regularly. When he would get mad or annoyed with me, he would just cut communication. Never mind the fact that HE WANTED to keep in DAILY contact with me for the last few years. Every email, text, and phone call would be outright ignored. I'd feel disregarded, slighted. I'd wonder and worry over what I may have done wrong. Time and again. I've accumulate much resentment. He doesn't get it. To him, it was always just "taking a break." He's never going to get it until it's done to him and he feels how I've felt... and even then...

To the OP, be an adult about things. If you want to just keep in touch with this person every once in a while, tell them that. It's hard. They're going to feel bad, or angry. But at least you will let them know where they stand right then and there. Remember that in a friendship there may have been good times. They may have helped you. The other half of the friendship is a human being, with problems, issues, flaws, feelings, emotions, thoughts, and a heart. All of that needs to be taken into account and respected at the "end".