I guess it is up to you to truly decide that you can NOT live the way you are living. Eventually, something needs to give. You seem to be spiraling further and further downhill, and you will either do what the demons are telling you, and that will lead to whatever consequences it does, or you decide that you have been trying and trying and trying to appease the demons, except it doesn't seem to be working--so the only other option is to be as honest as possible with your pyschiatrist/psychologist.

I understand how fiercely you believe that they will hurt you. I think you really need to figure out if you can overcome that fear to try telling the WHOLE truth and see what comes of it. If you don't, you will still be feeling the way you are feeling now--and is that bearable?