Hello oboid321: This appears to be your first post here on PC... so... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are experiencing such difficulty. I'm not sure what to suggest here other than possibly finding a therapist who can help you to sort this all out. (I presume simply moving away is not an option.) I do know, from personal experience, that long term bullying & abuse can have a devastating impact on a person. So it really will be important for you to figure out some way of dealing with this. But I think, in order to do so, you're going to need to have the opportunity to talk your situation through with someone, over a period time, who will be both supportive & objective. Beyond that, keep posting here on PC. Writing about how you feel can help too. I wish you well...