Welp, she answered my emails.

"I'm sorry the last session was so hard. I certainly didn't mean to hurt your feelings and am sorry that I did. Please do come in on Monday so we can talk about what happened."

I don't know.

Is that...sufficient? Not really. Do I feel like, if I go in on Monday, this is likely to go well for me? Not unless I do some serious calming down before then. Right now, I'm such an anxious mess, I keep dropping everything because my hands are shaking so much, my stomach is in a million knots, I can't go ten mins without tearing up...

Part of me feels like just answering her, "No thanks." But then I'll get really upset about not seeing her, and probably take it back. She's where I go for comfort. When she "turns" like this, I want to make the "comforting her" come back, to soothe how upset I feel. But of course, she's going to say that she's always the same - within a range, but always the same person - and I'm the one who's "splitting" her. And maybe I am. But from my perspective, sometimes she's my safe haven, and sometimes approaching her just leads to more pain.

I know no one here is going to tell me I should go to the session. I wish I were strong.