As a child of emotionally and physically abusive parents I can attest to the importance of you owning up to your behaviour in order to try and heal your relationship with your children. Just taking steps to be in their lives isn't going to heal any damage nor is it going to clear your conscience.

If my parents apologised for the things they did to me and my siblings it would open up a whole new world. It is only recently in my 34 years that I have realised just how much our own upbringing and experiences form who we are as people and as parents. I understand now that the way my parents were raised and things they experienced are very much to blame for the things I experienced as a child and subsequently, the person I am as an adult and the things I allowed in my life that have been damaging. I understand how my parents are victims of their own traumas, and it had given me a great deal of sympathy for them. But it doesn't negate their behaviours and it would still mean so much of they could admit and apologise for their actions.

But that is also a really big thing for you to do, because you'll need to come to terms with the specifics of what you yourself did. You could discuss with your therapist the possibility of addressing your parenting errors with your kids. You'll need to really figure out how to do it so that they understand that you have been a victim of your own experiences too and how sorry you are for what you have done, without making it seem like youre making an excuse or passing the buck. You truly sound like you want to make amends with your kids and help them with their own issues, perhaps you can channel this sincerity to forgive yourself and open communications with your kids. Good luck xx

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