Literally everything sucks right now. I hate everything about myself. I feel so hopeless and alone right now and I hate that I can't email T about it. I miss her so much in between sessions yet I finally see her I completely shut down. I wish I could open up to her and cry during sessions instead of it all spilling out afterwards when I'm alone. I have spent so much time and money over the years trying to fix myself and nothing works. What is the price of happiness? I really don't know how much more I can take.