Wisewoman,

Ok I think I will tell you the spiritual-related aspect of what I was thinking. I didn't see in your explanation whether or not you see the Great Spirit as a father or a mother, but I'm going to speak of the Great Spirit as a parent to all of us. The Great Spirit is the source of all goodness and light. The Great Spirit is the ultimate parent- the best parent.

Your children are also the children of the Great Spirit. S/he loves your children as much as you do. S/he is equally responsible and equally active in their lives, even when they do not know it. S/he is also all powerful, and able to see what happens to your children every minute of every day.

If the child of the Great Spirit can be hurt, so much more so can the child of a mortal who is not able to be there every second of every day. The Great Spirit is responsible, in part for raising all children up and supporting them. But the Great Spirit is not to blame for the evils that happen and the bad things we do to eachother. WE are to blame for the bad things that we do. And the Great Spirit allows us to make choices so that we can all grow and learn. The person who made a terrible choice and hurt your babies is FULLY responsible for hurting them- and you are NOT. You are a mortal with limitations and you simply do not have the powers to make the world "perfect" even for your own self. How could you make it perfect for an autonomous being such as your children?

Grieve with the Great Spirit for the sorrows and pains of your children. Grieve with your children when they tell you how it hurts, and let them know you understand their pain and validate it. Grieve a mother's grief, knowing that is selfless love- the love of a mother who would do ANYTHING to make things okay for your children.

Now that I have preached to you! lol! Here is a bit less preachy perspective that goes along with all that.

I had some bad things happen to me that I didn't tell my mom about either. Circumstances (involving CPS in one instance) made it so I couldn't keep my secret any more. I love my mother with all my heart and we have always been close. The reasons I chose not to tell her were my OWN ISSUES, and had nothing to do with her. Inside of me, I believed that I was making too big a deal out of the things that had happened to me. Because of that, I did not want to tell people about it- including my mom. I also had shame about what happened and felt that in at least one of the cases I was partially to blame. It wasn't that I felt SHE would say so, it was just that I felt that I was to blame and thus had no reason or right to complain about it. In one other instance, I had been told by other authorities in my life to cover it up, and I was scared enough to obey. That's all. None of it had anything to do with what I thought her response would be.

She has helped me. Her love has been healing when she recognized the impact that these things had on me. When she didn't minimize it or tell me I was being too sensitive. When she heard me say that it hurts or that it scared me, and accepted that as valid, it healed my heart. When she let me cry, it healed my heart. It depends on your individual child what they need from you, and you have to let them have it on their own terms if you are going to help. Don't pressure them, but DO welcome everything they say with the utmost love and sorrow for their pain and expressions that what happened to them was wrong and terribly hurtful.

If they ask not to talk about it, try to accept that this is their own issue to grapple with and that even though they are your babies, they are still their own people. If they do not want to talk, it probably isn't because of something you have done wrong. It is probably because of their own pain and their own journey of healing- talking may not be what they intuitively feel they should do. Or it might be that they just are not ready to go that deep. Try to respect them and understand that they have within them great strength and their own soul voice that tells them what they need. They will reach for what they need.

If you feel like they are not reaching for what they need, you can ask what they need or make specific suggestions and see if that sounds like something they are needing from you. If they say no, then accept that as their own separate thing and NOT as a reflection of you. If they say yes, pour your love on them.

I hope this helps. I feel for you. I know how my own mother has hurt over the things that have happened in the lives of me and my siblings. I wish she didn't hurt.

Angela