Let me start by saying I am a 51 year old married male. Relationships have always been a problem for me. I am open on the surface but feel deep inside that I keep my feelings closely guarded. In the last years I have noticed that I will tell my partners things that seem to them to be deeply personal, but I feel that is simply to keep them from digging deeper.

The main problem I am dealing with right now (among others) is that I cannot seem to simply and clearly end a relationship. I seem to do everything except come straight out and say "its over" (and stick with it). I will sabotage it through behavior (cheating, being difficult, ignoring it, etc), or I will simply drop off the face of the earth. I however NEVER in my entire life remember coming out and saying its over and then following through.

Im hoping that somebody may be able to shed some light on why I behave this way. I do know that I have a lot of insecurity from childhood experiences (my childhood was black and white, meaning it was either good or bad without much in between). I also know that I am more afraid of success than I am of failure.

I also feel like there are times when I have too much empathy with the feelings of others. An example of this was when I was caught cheating on my second wife with a total nut case of a woman. She was admitted to a mental hospital (SERIOUSLY bipolar!) after trying to kill herself twice (not over me). I actually would not not visit her to even save my marriage.

One other thing is that I LOVE the role of being "the white knight" that "rides to the womans rescue. This is something I sometimes find almost impossible to resist. This is one of the things that brought my current wife and I together. She was in an abusive relationship (of course I thought it was all him), and I set out to "save her".

So, all this being said, does anybody have any ideas where to begin looking for the cause of this behavior?? I know this is something I will have to find if there is any chance of leading a normal life in the future and having any kind of a normal relationship!