I am self-sabotaging/-destructive/-damaging. It is something you can't really win, fighting yourself rather than "just" mania and depression.

It's like what some with autonomously self-sustaining anxiety have, but where they have anxiety which makes thing nearly impossible, for me, far too often, it makes things really impossible.

All I can do is work around that by using mania, keeping it as mild as possible, to do some things. Stability doesn't work, too manic doesn't work, all hypomania is too much like stability. So, basically, I have to destabilise and stabilise/control so that I may work within a very narrow margin of functional behaviour, but mostly just thinking, not doing.

Mild depression is a period in which I can work as well, but just mostly doing, not thinking.

It is very difficult. I still don't really know how to work best within these parameters. The dynamics are crazy and probably far more complicated or different than what I described.

Trippin2.0, what do you mean by self-sacrificing, exactly?