❤️

Sorry to hear of all those sad anniversaries. There is little anyone can say without sounding inadequate.

Nevertheless I will try to send comforting thoughts and wish you the strength to hang on until the most severe pain eases a little.

Is there a late post death ritual you could invent for yourself?
Some people like to write a letter to the people they lost, giving news of what has happened since they "left them" or saying what they wish they said at or before the time.
Letters can even be used to say a late 'goodbye' and/or remember some good times.
What you do to 'post' the letter is up to you, whatever you feel you want to do.

Some may burn it as if the smoke carries the words to the lost person, others may keep it in a special place or leave it in a place you loved together....
(And you can write as often as you like, or just once).

My Grandmother had a photograph that she used instead of a grave or other memorial and would go and talk to it (or possibly cry over it) or a little memory box for all of them, not a shrine, just a little thing personal to you, maybe open or add to it on future anniversaries if you need to.

I lost someone I cared about and I have put all photos of her into one small album and I look through it occasionally. Now the feelings are less painful, more bittersweet as the sadness mixes with fond memories too.

These are just ideas, maybe you will think of something completely different.

I wish for the bitter feelings to turn bittersweet. I think bittersweet can be very positive sometimes for me as I have got used to her absence over the years.

Sending some more warm comforting thoughts with the hope you may feel at least a tiny benefit.