I mean I put myself before others always, unfortunately to my own detriment.


Sure we can argue that many people do this, and they do. But the reason I do it plays a huge role. I do it firstly because I feel like everyone matters more than me, and I do it in order to not disrupt my relationships, to prove I'm not worthless, a chronic fear of abandonment has me tirelessly proving I'm worth sticking around for.


And at this point it's bloody exhausting I tell u, especially since alot of people are unappreciative aholes (I'm working on cutting them out) and since some people leave anyway.

Besides being exhausting, this self-sacrifice BS has me very angry at myself more often than not, and I have an ugly temper.

Do I sound a bit peeved? I probably am, bf is going to work abroad in a few weeks. So my BPD is raging right now.


Hopefully round two of DBT and individual therapy helps me finally rectify this behaviour. My T was quite upset last week (for me) at the injustice and me not getting that I don't have to be this way, that I do deserve to have my needs met as well.


Blech, maybe one day I will believe him.