I have an appointment in a few days and I have a rather large decision I need to make before then.

My pdoc suggested ECT since I have have been depressed every day without exception for a bit over 2 decades. He is also very uncertain about it. He thinks the chance of success is below 50% and is concerned that it could make my seizure disorder worse.

I don't have a serious seizure disorder, I haven't had a grand mal since 1995 but I do get things that no neurologist can say with certainty are seizures or just seizure auras. What these are is I go completely blind, get a feeling of extreme terror, and I get visions of things I have dreamed of. I don't think they last more than 30 seconds at most. I don't fall while I have them, but usually fall after it is over if I was standing or even sitting. They knock me out mentally for the rest of the day, at best. Once I get one, I take a benzo and it usually stops. If I don't, I will get another within 2-3 hours, and they keep coming in closer time intervals until they happen non-stop and then I get a grand mal.

Some neurologists called that an aura, other call it simple partial seizures. I don't know if it what it is really matters to my current problem. What matters to me is that I fear them far more than I fear a grand mal even though it causes heart rhythm issues for a few days that got me placed into an ICU.

Grand mals, major depression, psychosis, none of those compare to the auras or whatever they are.

Luckily, my pdoc noticed that I am reasonably educated in psych issues and meds, for a layman, and he always lets me research things first. I am also in the position of having to be careful about declining things, unless I can come up with a real medical reason why something is contraindicated when I decline I risk losing my veterans disability rating because they could say I am not trying to get better. It is even worse right now because I am under review for an increase. I have been kicking the ECT can down the road for a year now and I really need to make a decision this week.

There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of research that I could find that is definitive one way or another. But my pdoc is iffy on it and when I had my rating exam by a neuro-psychologist she told me that it could be risky and agreed that the chances of success are low. I would like to get better and am tempted to say yes but the since they cause seizures, I am afraid I will have heart issues, or worse those auras will be triggered.

Are my fears about it causing my seizure disorder to get worse misplaced? I know there are other side effects like memory loss but my MDD causes a lot of that already and seems like a minor issue when stacked up against my seizure disorder.