Ever since I was about 19, I've had these episodes of depression. I can get suicidal thoughts, illogical thinking, and I feel like I temporarily lose sanity. I remember it happened once before church, and I was outside on their playground, swinging in the rain. If I was in my right mind, I wouldn't have done that, but that happens when I'm in these episodes. I don't care as much about my appearance and how I seem to others. I feel as all of my logic shuts down and I'm left with my emotions. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I tell a psychologist about this when I can afford to go?