All sustances are unpredictable for me. Take for instance coffee. Sometimes I'm tired, drink a bunch and go to sleep. Other times I'm tired and drink a cup and get that little perk you expect. And sometimes still, I drink a cup and get wired beyond believe. Sometimes I've had alcohol and it's been super chill and fine. Other times, I'm a depressive mess instantly, and sometimes still I get manic and instead of waking up with hangovers, I wake charged for days. Since things are unpredictable for me, I do my best to avoid. But I will have a beer, or coffee, I just watch my behaviors and so will others who I trust. I don't relate to trying to ruin people's nights or feeling like other people are happier. I'm sorry. Big hugs. It sounds like you are figuring out your patterns and that is good though.

PS, you have the same name as a dearly departed aunt.