Just a thought- all these strangers on the relationships website who said you don't have a chance, they could only make the suggestion based on what they read, which is what you wrote. So everything you wrote was coming from your current point of view which appears to be quite insecure and negative. So of course anything you say about your interactions is going to be tainted with a negative vibe. You may very well have a good chance with this woman but you have set up these rules about not dating in the workplace and also, as you say, you might be using her as a smokescreen for your commitment issues.

I think you're quite insightful in recognising that your attraction to this person might be because she is unattainable. But also, you may be attracted to her because you want to feel a connection with SOMEONE. If work is the only place you're meeting people, you tend to harbour some attraction for people there. It has happened to me many times!

It is a nice idea to avoid relationships whilst you're very fragile and need to work on yourself. But sometimes having a good friend or partner can help you come through tough times.

It sounds like you need to talk this through throughly to help you come to some conclusion. If you have a therapist then ask them to help you work through your ideas about this. Or you could do some focussed journal writing to see if it brings you some clarity. Imagine how you might feel if you lifted the no work relationships rule. Would you be elated at having the permission to ask her out. Or would you be scared because you no longer have the protection of the rule?

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