I'm in the same boat. Right now, its so hard to see the good things. Hell, if I do it's like I don't care. I've been dealing with this feeling for months with only few hours of a distraction to break me away from it every few weeks. I even have a plan that I've been thinking about in detail. My head's all kinds of messed up but I'm still here and I'm still fighting. I figure after a while my suicide risk and major depression will let up at some point. It's just like boxing. I just have to have more stamina than my opponent and after it's too tired to continue, knock it out for the win. I wish the best for you and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. If nothing else, I can always listen and encourage you. Don't give up.