I totally get how you feel. Ive been seeing my T for nearly two years and Ive yet to cry.

I lost a family member while seeing T and pretended like I was perfectly fine in the office, only to come home and cry myself to sleep.
I went through major anxiety for the past month and had to go to the ER and take a leave off school, yet pretending like I was find in the office, only to come home and cry for hours.
Right now my T and I are going to work on exposure for a lot of fears I have and I still pretend like I'm fine and then come home and cry.

It sucks not being able to show how you really feel in the office even when you want to SO badly ! Sometimes I get the urge to cry, then for some reason smile instead. It's so weird and it sucks.