Apparently I wrote this back in January, and for absolutely no reason it decided to pop back into my thoughts last night. If my mother isn't lying to me and I really did catch on or start doubting around 7 or 8....then why do I remember, vividly, writing a school paper about my persisting belief around age 13, and feeling shame and distress hearing someone talk about how she figured it out at 8 or 9 and was teaching her sibling the truth now - this being either a year before or after the thing I wrote?

I know it's in the past, but it hurts me to know I was so....stupid, in such an obvious way. I still remember that article where the author insists a 10-year-old who still believes has something severely wrong with them, or much talk about older kids believing just to get presents. I recall believing because I didn't know any other way that much stuff could have materialized there all at once. What if there is something wrong with me? Like I was convinced back to belief?

It feels so stupid to be distressed over this, but...I am. Because it apparently is so severely strange. And I don't know how well I can trust memories: I remember the paper, and overhearing things; I don'yet remember my early disbelief (in fact, what I do remember is 'arguing' with some kid who figured it out in first grade). More and more I realize my autobiographical memory is really bad, so who knows what's real?