I feel unreachable to say the least. I feel as though I'm just waiting for a ****ed up ending. Like I'm a time bomb. And I am. I know there are people that care for me and people who are willing to be at my side but it's like I'm only bringing them down with me. I know they care, I will never deny that but that's the problem, isn't it? Knowing that I'm the sole reason they are worried, stressed out, messed up. There are certain things I can handle and there are certain things I can't. I can handle pain as long as I'm the only one who has to live within it's hell. I can't stand seeing these people I love begin to feel anything close to what I'm having to endure. Other people are avoiding me like the plague and believe it or not, I'm cool with that. I'd rather everyone get the hell out of the blast radius when I finally drop. Almost everyone doesn't know what to say to me anymore and there's nothing to say. I know I have nothing to say. I don't talk anymore. To anyone. I'm silent, for the most part. I wrote a letter today trying to justify what I want to do.

I need some help.