I'm in the same boat as StillIntending, and others and the child of a a Mother who has been chronically depressed my whole life. She has kept it together well, always functional, keeping a job, doing school functions with us, but just very often sad and emotionally unavailable.

For me as a child, it was the fact that this obvious illness wan't spoken about directly is what hurt me the most. On top of that my Grandmother, surviving through the Depression era, didn't understand it at all and often treated Mom like she was wrong for being ill. I know my they were both trying to protect me I ended up internalizing everything that was unspoken. Kids are perceptive. They know when Mom is off, or unavailable. When something is wrong or missing, the child feels like something is out of control. They will make up stories for it in their head, in turn they internalize the damage in order to control it.

Depression is an illness just as insidious as cancer, IMO, but it's comes with extra shame and stigmatization. My mother is in her late 70s now and loosing her physical abilities, but she finally has a doctor to call her illness for what it is. She's been diagnosed and is getting medication and we're finally talking about it all on a real level. I know there's not much I can't tell you how much of a huge relief that is to me.

I am here to tell you that self-care is the best thing a parent can do for their children. Talk to your doctor, get medication if you need it and PLEASE find a good therapist, perhaps one that has experience with families. In time you may be able to talk to your kids about it all in a way that doesn't burden them. You can talk to a therapist about how best treat the issue, get what YOU need, and still provide for your family.

The fact that you're here, asking questions tells me you're trying to find a way. There is one, but you'll need to figure out what works best for YOU. Depression is a real illness but it isn't the End.