do any of you experience amnesia and can tell me a little about your experience...?

i have been trying to read about it but from my experience the text book definitions are nice to the ears but hardly represent an actual case..?

im just worried...

i cant recall most of anything, i have a few flashes that i can momentarily recall, but very very few... i remember the traumas more than anything... but the flash will come and go and its gone until it comes back again... there is no timeline in my life...
i cant seem to create memories either... i feel so unreal...
how can i exist if i dont have a history or a future..?

i dont talk about it because no one understands the gravity of it...
people laugh at simple forgetfulness and it makes me feel so bad because what im doing isnt just absentmindedness or forgetfulness.. its like i dont have a brain or something... i feel present in this moment and its the only thing i can see.. with no memories of really where im going or how i really got to this point...
i cant really explain how i feel... its like the only reason i believe im alive is because everyone around me is telling me that it is real...
i really dont understand whats happening with me... i try not to think about it too much because i can be very obsessive and i guess im just hoping that it goes away somehow... but ive been reading more about it lately and trying to think about it because im scared it could be something really bad... and if it is a bad thing i would like to get treated for it sooner than later...

its so scary, so much that i just disconnect from it completely... and i actually forget about forgetting things... but i cant live like this... everyone around me thinks im just playing around or something.... they will start to ask me a question and stop and say things like "oh right no sense asking you, you wont remember anyway!"

i always rationalize and say things like "well i always drink coffee so yesterday i had a coffee and cig in the morning"
but i dont actually remember... i can forget things so fast as well... tell me something and ask me 30 seconds later and i probably wont remember...

this is no way to live.. this is not being alive

i dont know how to describe it... and im scared of trying to explain because no one will listen or believe me.. how can i explain something i cant understand... all i can say is "i cant remember anything..." but people ignore that and just shrug it off... and i just repress it and try to move on...

maybe i am faking... or maybe none of this is real at all, im just sleeping and having a bad dream...

i just hate this... and i hate people not understanding... making me feel like a fake... or malingering...
it hurts me so bad

does any one know how it feels to not know yourself...

sorry about posting stupid stuff here... i just dont understand whats happening... i dunno... i guess i would just feel a little better if someone else understands...