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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
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I'm glad to hear that you made some positive improvements in your life. I have too in some ways. You're right, it is annoying to listen to the same crap again and again.
I try not to burden friends most of the time, but sometimes we all need to vent about a bad day or what a rude jerk someone was to us! It's normal. We can't always do stuff like avoid annoying family members, or find a better job if we happen to hate our current one, so I can let most people get away with venting about that stuff.
I'm afraid that I might've pushed some people away in the past by talking to much about certain things. Or maybe expecting to much from them. I regret doing all of that. Now I have more self awareness. I don't want to loose the friends that I have now, so I will definitely be more careful to censor myself and try to mostly be the fun and supportive friend instead of the whiny one now.
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There are some things you can do that are free and easy to help you when you are struggling. I know it sounds ridiculous, but everyone can go for a walk by themselves. This gives you time to talk to yourself. You can say inside your head what you would say to your friend if someone was there to listen to you.
And you may not find solutions during that walk and self talk, but it's available any time you want it. The other thing that helps is deep breathing. If you go to a park and find a quiet place, you can do self talk and deep breathing together.
Again, this doesn't solve it, but it gives you a chance to go over the problem in your head like you would do if you were talking to a friend. After a few minutes of deep breathing, you look around and try to find one reason to smile. It could be a memory, something you see around you or something you have to look forward to.
Basically, it's a moment when you find something to be grateful for. Although you may be in turmoil at that moment, your entire life wasn't like that. There were moments of happiness. You need to re-direct your thinking to those moments.
But you need to avoid circular thinking. Going over a past painful event over and over and over isn't helpful. Self talk is about finding your way back out of the darkness.