Just wanted to say I feel your pain. I am going through exactly the same thing. I just feel like maybe I was designed to be on my own, to not interact with people in social situations. I wonder if you work and how you find that because I am fine in that situation but am hiding myself from everyone. The saying 'behind my smile is a breaking heart, behind my laugh I am falling apart, behind my eyes are tears at night and behind my body is a soul trying to fight' sums me up.

I am trying to increase my support network and social circle but I don't seem to be able to talk unless I am asked a direct question and I am terrified of saying the wrong thing so I sat very little. I think I understand how you feel and am sorry I cannot help. I am hoping my T is going to be able to help me but I do wonder if it is just too late or if I am just not designed for it. I do sometimes wonder if I would register on the low end of the autism spectrum because I just don't get people or emotions. They don't make sense to me. I like your analogy of an alien in this world, it fits.

I hope you can find some peace.