other than depression I have always had doubts of my bp traits ... pdoc's see it ... T see's it ... mentally I get it ... but on some gut level I keep fighting it ... but there is one trait I can not deny ... mainly because I keep doing it ... cut meds back and stopped one ... ended up going over the edge (again) so going back up ... there is just something in my dna that just will not let me leave them alone ...
maybe it is a doubt I need them ... maybe it is I think I know better than pdoc ... maybe a need to have control ...
all I know it is the hardest part of my (treatment) to maintain ...
of course I know I am the only one who does this ....