Doh,

You sound like you are on the right track....listen to what your gut feeling it telling you....it is definitely right.....& if you don't listen to what you are saying here....I can almost bet that you would be real sorry letting your sister ever into your life.

Here is why I feel that way....only it is based on my marriage experience of 32 years (oh why didn't I listen to my gut feeling before I ever got married????) Before I got married, I saw some things I didn't like & thought was a terrible value system. It was all about having things & what could be bought. If he could afford the monthly payments, he didn't care how much more he spent on something by putting it on credit. His grades in college were just getting by....except he claimed to have a very very high IQ & top of his class in high school (well what about college????). He expected to have everything handed to him without putting in any effort......this was all I saw before the marriage!!! Here was the logic for going ahead & getting married: He is growing up....He is only 23 & is still young, so he will definitely grow up & become more responsible (32 years later & it has never happened).

It's 32 years later & I have been unhappy for the 32 years....the only thing that kept us together was pooling our money to get the things we wanted (pooling the money was a huge thing because we were both aerospace engineers) . I had values & ways I knew of acting....when something needed done, it had to be done....when living with him...things would get done when there was money to hire it done....everything came down to the $$$$ & I let myself be taken into that life style. There was fighting all the time. Looking back, I realize that the fighting was because I was angry that I wasn't holding on to my values which I knew inside were right.

The thing is that you know what your sister needs to do to become well & to take care of herslef....but you know she won't do it...You let her into your life & there will be fighing....unless you just keep quiet & accept who & what she is (& that isn't a good thing to do). You know what is good for you, & that isn't the same as what she thinks is good for her. The problem is that when something bad is around you, it is hard to avoid getting into the trap with the bad....for some reason (& I just don't know why) but the bad seems to rule over the good we know to be right inside of ourselves.....if just happens & I hate it. However even if you really are strong enough to stand up against her, there will be fights because it is hard to sit back & watch these things happen without saying something & that usually ends up in a fight. The anoying personality trates like thinking they are better than others will continue to build up & annoy even more as time goes buy.

Listen to your gut feeling....given the choice of living with a person like her or being alone....being alone would always win in my book....because the unhappiness that would come from living with a person like that wouldn't be worth it at all.

Please take care of yourself & do what you know is right,
Debbie