Lady Dragus - You actually have the most thought provocing post on the topic. :-)

Let's see if I can answer those questions:

> talking to someone online is a type of new way to do it, and
> not get caught. Why is it eating you up?

It is eating me up because I suspect the other person online already knows. We are at the phone call stage. But so far it's only one way. I have not given her my number. I've been using a phone card. So whenver she asks me for my number, I just avoid the subject. And from that I suspect she knows that something is not right. I've also been calling at times when my wife is working late night hours. She calls me and asks me what I've been doing on the phone and I have to say "Oh I'm on the internet". From that I suspect she knows that something is odd. You know how it goes, I'm digging myself into a deeper grave. It's easy to get out of for right now. I just have to use that recently posted Email suggested to her and end it. God give me the strength to do it. I have this nagging feeling that I shouldn't but I have to do it. I have to end the affair.

> For one you loved your wife when you married her, now
> you are board. I know talking about sex is somethign you
> may take offence to, but have you tired anything new in the
> bedroom??

When it comes to having an affair, all questions have to be taken into consideration, even sex. So no, I'm not offended. We've tried some new things but they ended up non-consistent. Three weeks ago, she gave me a blow job. A first time in three years. That lasted until that weekend. We went to a sex shop, first time in four years and we bought a couple of sex toys. She used hers a few times two weeks about but that was it. I think she lost interest. She's also built small so it's hard for me to pleasure her without her hurting. and yes guys, girls can be built small, too. It did get exciting but it felt....mechanical....like she had to do it...it is missing that warmth. That could be part of the problem.

> Have you talked to you wife about being "bored" ????

Yes I have. I don't meant to come down hard on the poor girl but we haven't done any exciting new positions in bed...just the two and I like variety but I guess it's just not going to happen. That could be another part of the problem.

> I had an affair when I was married, and it hurt me and him
> so badly, We never got over it, and I never forgave myslef
> for doing it. I was the one in the spot where you are right
> now...

I guess I'm at a point where I know I cannot get away with it. Something has got to end The affair cannot hold out. Even if I leave my wife, the affair won't last. Logically it has to be the affair and not the marriage. I just can't believe I carried it out this far. I should have known better.

> Ok first off you are not a fraud, you are someone who is
> confused on what way his life is supposed to go? Talking
> to your wife would be the frist step.

I have. I need to carry out more dialoges with her. She's not convinced that something is wrong. I've asked her last time if she felt we needed to see a cousellor and she says we don't. I'm convinced we (well, myself actually) have to.

> Second have you had sex even onilne with the female???

Yes. Phone sex, online sex and an exchance of pictures. It is serious, I'm afraid. At this point, i think you could understand the seriousness of the situation. I'm hesitating because the illusion of sex from online, pictures and the phone are good and the "promise-of-one-day-mind-blowing-sex". So how am I going to convince myself that I'm not going to miss it? Okay, there is one thing. Ever since I found this board and talking to you, a group of strangers, I feel more liberated. Well there is another thing. When the thunderstorm hit her computer, it shorted out her modem, as a result she's been coming online less and less. Plus unfortunately she got a cut in her job time which means I'm seeing her less online during the morning. As a result the passion is slowly dying. I need to make a complete break and I feel I have to do it right now. Now if I can only follow through with what I wrote.

> Try to understand I am only giving advice, and trying to help
> you out. ok.

And advice is what I desperately need right now. Thank you.