Your stepdad is a nasty, loathsome person who abused you. HE knew it was wrong for him to do that.

Arousal is a physiological process. Don't feel guilty about "enjoying" it. Strong warm hands, I'm sure it did feel good at the time.

How is it your fault? It sounds like it came totally out of the blue. Neck massages - fine. Sitting together on the sofa - fine. What he did to you - SO wrong. So you didn't tell him to stop - what were you meant to do. I think I would have just sat there too.

Reading your story I feel that it was a bad, confusing thing that happened to you. Yes, there are worse instances of abuse, but this was abuse nonetheless with all the attached psychological damage. You only have to read your descriptions of yourself to see that.

He "chose" you. Is this just because you were older than your sisters? You were the one left sitting there, that's why it was you, you didn't ask for it, and you couldn't have expected it and therefore avoided it. This is all your stepfathers wrong-doing and not yours.

You have every right to refuse neck massages from your step-dad.

I hope that somehow you can get through this and not feel that all sexual contact and good feelings are wrong.

((((((((canders7)))))))))