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In your case, or for anyone doubting their diagnosis, I'd say testing their efficacy by not taking them is common. I have some of that. But for me, it's also just science.
Primarily for me, it's twofold: looking for challenging and clear-cut situations, with a root cause and clear problems to fix, and "accentuating" a (somewhat valid, somewhat invalid) reason for other problems I have when stable.
I think we all do it for those three reasons, but to different extents.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
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