I am so frustrated with all the hoops that I have to jump through. I go to a community clinic with stupid rules and limited resources, my insurance is hasseling me that they won't pay for my 'new med' (just an increase in dose from the old one, so wtf? ), and the pharmacy is stupid too trying to count my one 450mg script as two diff scripts(1 150mg and 1 300mg) and making me feel like an idiot for not getting it. My ins. will only pay for 3 scripts so if they split one into 2 I have to pay for more.

So in true bipolar fashion I decided to give everyone a big FU and go off my meds. LOL, I know right...talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. I started one at a time with my antipsychotic, but did not taper. I know it's wrong, I know I shouldn't do it. I also ramped up the drinking and mixing meds/drinking. wtf is wrong with me? -oh yeah I am bipolar

I called my therapist for an appt, but she didn't return my call and the secretary says she doesn't have anything available till my next appt. (2 weeks)

I know I am in a bad place, but can't seem to get my feet under me to get help. I feel like if I could just see my therapist that I could avoid inpatient.

Though I feel saner today, suicidal thoughts have subsided, so maybe I will be ok.