yeah it is really nice to know someone else knows whats going on.. makes you feel less crazy/isolated i think

i dont know anyone in real life that experiences things like i do, alot of my family has different mental illness stuff going on but it seems like to me they all exaggerate symptoms for some reason... im the opposite, i undermine symptoms and try to cover them up

dont worry about posting i just tend to ramble sometimes and the posts get a little long, my mind wanders around sometimes- zone out and when i come back to i see i've written a book

it really sucks when you are enjoying yourself and it happens though, i think thats part of the reason i am hypervigilant most of the time anymore because everytime i let my guard down something weird happens...

its hard on the ones we care about too.. but im not so close to anyone so they dont see everything... your bf sounds great, understanding and whatnot..
it really does suck dealing with these things, it tries to ruin it all im not very good at handling it either so im not really sure what to do about it... i usually end up getting intoxicated in some form though just to blow off steam i guess?

the guilt can make you feel so badd because you just wanna feel better for everyone around you, and yourself of course but it seems like the guilt comes from not being able to be your top self for everyone.. thats how i feel atleast

i am extremely forgetful though, actually i think i have some type of amnesia..
so i just tell myself to get through this moment, then this moment, then this one.. ect ect.. and tomorow comes (i think) and i dont really remember yesterday or whatever, so i guess my mind came up with some kind of mechanism of forgetting things to make it easier to deal with this for so long

we just have to keep talking to the docs and working with meds/different meds to make a little progress.. gotta practice patience i guess