Hello Sp1ndle: The Skeezyks welcomes you to PsychCentral! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm so sorry you have had such terrible experiences. There is an author named Parker J. Palmer whose writings I am fond of. In one of his books he recounts an event wherein it was observed that some experiences are so profoundly sad, anything anyone might say would only add to the pain. The best one can do is to bear silent witness to the person's pain. In this spirit, I will write no more with regard to what you have written. I wish you well with the hope that, in some way, you will be able to find deep peace in your life...

Please do keep posting here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more connected to the community you will become.