I have extensive experience with dating services – I have both used and moderated major online dating services – and I have come to the conclusion that dating services are better in theory than they are in practice.

In theory, dating services are an excellent way to connect with other singles; in practice, dating services are dominated by immature users that have no genuine interest in meeting someone special.

When I was looking to connect with a special woman I sent hundreds of messages to users on dating services like OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, etc. Out of very hundred messages I might receive 2-3 responses, definitely no more than 4, and of those responses at least half would have been messages where I was told that due to my interests, hobbies, etc. they wouldn’t associate with me. Out of the handful that did meet me, only a single user ever wanted to meet with me a second time.

I’m also extremely cynical about how dating services epitomize the social backwardness of Western social relations. Such characteristics as honesty, uniqueness, etc., important for developing healthy relationships, are liabilities on a dating service. There is an irrational social expectation that far from being single and wishing to start a relationship with someone, you are to be “living life to the fullest”, have the best physical, spiritual, and mental health imaginable, and only appreciate and find interesting what is socially acceptable. Just like needing a job to avoid being homeless and starving is equivalent to employment suicide in a job interview, being a real person with real problems is social suicide on a dating website.

This isn’t to say that it is not possible to start a real relationship and that it is completely useless to try, only that I wouldn’t recommend putting too much stock in a dating service.

The best relationship decision I ever made was to say to myself, “F*** all these social expectations of being honest but not too honest, friendly but not too friendly, friend zoning, and hiding who I am and what is important to me because other people can’t f***ing deal with it.”

I subsequently stopped using all dating services and trying to impress women. A few months later I connected with a woman online who used to comment on the political analyses I wrote for my website. Now that woman and I are engaged.

I wish you the best of luck with this lady, but if it doesn’t work out, don’t be too disappointed!