Hello UnstableGoldfish: I enjoy reading about current brain research that is being done using fMRI technology. And one thing that comes up regularly is that memory is not at all as reliable as we would like to imagine. And also much more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. So, from that perspective, I would say that certainly there are some things going on with you that are causing you to have the emotional difficulties you've had & continue to have. However, from my perspective, I would like to suggest that it is a leap to attribute this to sexual abuse / molestation. That's not to say that it couldn't have happened. Of course it does... sadly. But, personally, I would want to be cautious about going down that road unless you have some compelling memory to support it. Certainly if you are seeing a therapist, or if you have the opportunity to see a therapist in the future, this would be something to explore with that person. I can say that I have a lot of the "symptomatology" you describe. And I'm quite certain I was never sexually abused in any way. I wish you well...