Hello sinking: Well... I believe this is at least part of what therapy is supposed to do... or at least some therapy. Where I live, therapy nowadays pretty-much ignores what's causing one's symptoms & simply tries to help people deal with it on a day-to-day basis. I guess it's cheaper... supposedly. However, I presume that there are still some therapies that still try to help people understand what caused them to develop mental health problems to begin with. I just don't know where one goes to find it.

Beyond that, I don't know the answer to your question. My past is just a gnarled ball of wire that will never be untwisted. I have no idea how I would ever even begin to figure it all out, or if that is even possible... maybe hypnosis or something of that sort? I see you live in Italy & I don't know how mental health services are provided there. But, if you can avail yourself of some therapy services that will help you to try to understand what has caused the difficulties you have, that would probably be the best way to at least get started. Good luck!