the thing about alcoholism or substance use/abuse is that as much as it may not be in a person's control, they are still responsible for their actions and choices whether they won't get help for it or they will. but you still deserve to be protected from harm.

as long as a person thinks something is helping them, they aren't that likely to want to change it as they don't think it's a big deal. but if it's a known trigger for you and your husband is aware of it, it also, in my opinion, comes down to lack of respect if he continues doing that because it is harming you in the process. and there are other options he can utilize to help him that don't include alcohol for anxiety control.

i grew up also with alcoholism in my family, both with a stepdad and then real dad and stepmom then later on lived with a sibling who got into partying. all of that was difficult for me to endure, and it is a huge trigger for me now (more the behaviors of people/certain people). i have had to distance myself from certain situations as they come up to protect myself since others will not respect me enough to refrain from drinking too much at times which ends up in people arguing even after i brought it up over several years. so, setting boundaries is necessary so you can protect yourself.

i have never tried alanon but was suggested years ago to go to it.

i would think that people who go to alanon understand fear, triggers, anxiety, etc. so you might not necessarily have to say you have a dissociative disorder and people would still 'get' it. maybe you could meet with the person who leads it beforehand and tell them you have a hard time anxiety/panic/trigger wise at certain times, so if something came up they would be aware and could try to help you or you could leave if needed.