((((tomi)))) i know exactly how you feel. it's only been a year since my docs started giving the possibilities of things that would give me horrible death, in terms of my mystery brain lesion. i was told that it could be a brain infection - the abscess kind, and possibly would need a biopsy of the brain lesion. it wasn't until the next month when i was finally diagnosed as having had a stroke. i know this feeling of sadness, as i did experience it as well. it's normal that you wanted to take in as much as you can to enjoy what you enjoy in life. pm me, if you need to....