I'm not used to feeling anything other than blank and numb the last couple of years. I've seem to have lost the meaning and feeling of most emotions..

Tho yesterday was a bad bad day, I was seriously angry all day long, and then I'd feel like I wanted to cry and I'd get angry again, it just kept flip flopping all day long. Everything I tried didn't work.. I couldn't even numb myself with a game on the iPad, I'd get upset and throw the iPad.. Before I broke the thing or got drunk I decided to go for a drive and try to take some pictures... It kinda worked tho still made me want to cry, which for some reason I won't do... Thankfully I didn't drink, I didn't cry and I made it through the day somehow..

Brings up something a little off topic of this message... How many of you have realized you depend on the others to help regulate yourself? I feel like I'm starting to do it more and more again..