Getting so frustrated. I just want to wake up every day and have the motivation to live life and not feel like the world is dragging me around every minute of every day. I can't remember the last time life seemed good. I can't remember the last time I wanted to get out of bed every day.

I don't know what my problem is. I've done every single thing I'm supposed to do...therapists, drugs, doctors, exercise, healthy food, enough sleep, etc, etc, etc. My life is better than it was a year or two or three years ago, but the improvement moves at a snail's pace and I'm still severely depressed according to every quiz I ever take.

For the first time in years, good things seem to be happening to me. But, it doesn't help. Now I just look at the opportunities that have come my way recently, and wonder why I feel so hopeless.

I want to do stuff. I have goals and lists and things I know I need to do...and want to do. But, I seem to have enough energy to do one thing a day and that's all. I went to see my therapist today. And that's the only productive thing I've done or will do today. I don't even feel like I have enough energy to get up and shower even though I need to.

But, all I can do is stare at this screen or lie down and nap in front of the tv which I'm not even really interested in watching..it's just on to provide the illusion that I'm doing something.

I don't know if I'm depressed because I'm always tired or if I'm always tired because I'm depressed. All I know is it's a struggle to do *anything* no matter how small. I'm in my early 30's now, and the last time I remember feeling good/human/alive for more than a day or two here and there was about 12 years ago. I feel like I'm still 22 because I've lost every year in between to depression or anxiety or whatever this is that has wrecked my entire adult life.