Are we twins?!!??

I (historically) mess with my meds non-stop. Like, I can't stop lol. I think it's partly a control thing. It's partly a stigma against psych dx, and fighting that. And other factors.

I do the 'i don't have bipolar" thing all the time. Until I'm at either spectrum and, at least for a little while, am aware meds are not optional for the time being.

My MD got frustrated with me one (of the many) times I told him I didn't have bipolar. He read the DSM to me, word for word. "If that's a description of you then I don't know what is (and PS I've known you for 5 years, most of which I knew you professionally, not as a patient)" And I still sometimes think "I'm not bipolar, I don't need meds". I have "inflammation". I have 'low vitamins'. Or whatever else I can come up with.

I ask my doctor most visits if we can taper things down...usually i get "let's see how the next six months go". And then the same at six months.

It's nice to know there's someone else that goes through some of the same or similar things. Good luck to you. And, take your meds....I know, I know...and I'll do the same.

And PS, I 'just' might have things in the sweet spot now (I say that all the time though!, as you probably do too). I got off base a few weeks ago, missed some meds a couple times, was doing awful at work, wasn't thinking clearly, etc. I did my normal tweaking, and it helped somewhat. Then last week I saw doctor, talked to a psych RN friend, and made a plan I'm actually sticking with right now. (Since Friday albeit). But I've had the two best days of work this week that I've had since I started my new job March 1st. So maybe, I've got things right and if I don't mess with things, maybe this might work longer term.

Good luck