i can be quite obsessive when it comes to trying to figure something out... i can't really help it though, i just HAVE to understand ya know what i mean?
so i read alot... cross check everything and whatever...
i think my last pdoc thought i was just rehearsing stuff because i "knew too much"...
but whatever, i like to be educated so if i intimidate the doc i guess i need to get a new one :/
anyway, i found this article that seems really interesting and tries to explain things in a way i haven't seen yet - this is part of it that i have been wandering about since i started looking into dissociation...
Quote:
“How do I know when an alter is speaking? Is there a difference between when an alter is speaking and my own thoughts?” asked someone desperate to learn.
I replied, “Especially in the early stages it is likely to seem very vague. If you think there is a slight chance that you could be hearing from an alter, proceed as if you really are. If it truly is an alter, it might take days or even weeks and you are likely to often be tempted to doubt, but you will gradually receive more and more confirmation as to whether what you think might be an alter really is one.”
“I feel silly. It seems as if I am just talking with myself,” she said.
“You won’t always know whether they are hearing you or not,” I replied. “Whether certain alters are likely to be active or not depends not only on the time of day but on circumstances. For example, certain alters might help you when you are at work, others when you are parenting, others might be more likely to be present when you are relaxing and still others when you are feeling scared or upset. And sometimes alters who are usually out can get freaked by something and go into hiding.”
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Dissociative Identity Disorder: Finding and speaking to alters / insiders/ parts
quite a few times i felt like this but i pushed it aside because i thought it was just me being weird... which according to this article could offend alters and cause them not to show themselves
but i dunno if i do have any alters or not, its just that the things i went through... it seems like other people that do have it went through similar things... so im just trying to explore and learn as much as i can so that i can try to rectify my self, if that makes sense...
if i do have this it would explain so much
like why i reacted the way i did to certain triggers... completely out of character
but i asked about the co-host thing because it feels like im always 2 people...
there is this voice locked in my head and there is my persona that is shown through my body... i feel like i am the voice but my body is just a persona that has adapted to survive the world... if that makes sense...
when i do talk with my voice it feels kind of weird because i never speak what i hear inside, i feel so vulnerable to do that
but anyway, i think that article is really good at explaining some things so thought maybe would be a good idea to share it
edit:
when yall first learned that you had alters, was it scary?
like when they first started talking?
edit edit:
some while i was reading through that article i was having a lot of flashbacks :/
*shivers* now i feel nasty
